"theWArofART"

I am reading theWARofART by Steven Pressfield.  The book, a quick read, is subtitled "break through the blocks and win your inner creative battles. The enemy - Resistance!  Resistance has a lot of really good buddies - Procrastination. Fear. Self Sabotage. Sabotage by Others.  Drama. Victim Hood. Criticism. Fundamentalism. Self Doubt. Fear.  I have grown too familiar with all of these evil companions of Resistance. And they know too much about me! They are unwelcome intruders that don't even bother to knock on the door before they lodge themselves in the creases and crevices of my self destructiveness.  They have been in charge for a long time.  Too long!  My writing and art projects, including this blog, buckle under the weight of my procrastination and self doubt! My creative projects that allow me to breathe, that I dream about, that give me purpose, that make living purposeful - are packed away dying in boxes, are smothered under piles of papers on my desk, are screaming for attention from suitcases and purses, and are pounding out rythyms of madness inside my skull!  Resistance is killing me in my silence and inactivity.  I can't stand who I am in this acquiescence to Resistance! I will not survive another year allowing this debilitating, crippling disease to take over and kill the why of my existence on this planet!  And so...I am writing.  Today.  Tomorrow.  And the next day. And the next.  Every day!  I am working on my quilt show for 2017.  Today.  Tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the next. Everyday!  So that I can stop the screaming in my head!  So I can spit out the bitter taste of the Resistance that is keeping me from being the writer and artist that I was born to be. Because the days of my life are running over each other.  And - I - Must - Fly!

The Sounds of Silence

They call it writer's block.  I call it the sounds of silence!  There is nothing blocking my characters from talking. They are refusing to talk!  Purposefully, blatantly, stubbornly!  They sit in the back of my brain, straining my neck with their protest, their torturing, their withholding!  They stare at me, with accusing eyes, wrinkled brows and pouting mouths!  This is the way they take their power, control my fingers, reign in my journey down wrong paths.  This is their way of saying - NO!  That is not what I want to do, not what I want to say, NOT WHO I AM!  Take another look, Vanessa.  Listen.  Think.  Listen. LISTEN!  We are in a tug of war.  This new play "Bar Codes" is at a stand still.  My schedule is not the schedule of the characters waiting to brought to full life.  They do not like their becoming, as I am writing it.  They demand a new unfolding. And so they sit in their silence - holding me hostage until I give in.   I hold onto the words that I have written. How can I let go?  And so we sit at this cross road - neither side will to give in.  They know that I know that it will be me that gives in.  Will delete.  Will re-write.  Will morn the loss of my beginnings. And, eventually, will celebrate what is re-born.