I was reading old diaries and checking out past New Year Resolutions. I reviewed annual promises to myself that I broke over and over again, year after year. Exercise more, eat better, eat less, loose weight, write more, finish my college degree....the list goes on and on.
I got my first one in 6th grade at Fays Drug Store in Fairmount, New York. I had failed a math test and was devestated. I got a D! I had never gotten a D before! My mother was a take-action woman and, (after wiping my tears and snot with tissues and dinner) she took me to Fays Drug Store and bought me math flash cards, my first mechnical pencil, a protractor and my Diary first diary. Red with gold lettering on the outside. A flap with a brass lock and a tiny key.
I still have that first Diary. I sat in my home office and turned the fragil paper. Each entry began faithfully with the words, "Dear Diary". This worn red book was my secret keeper for several years. It held the mondane - "Woke up, went to school, ate dinner, went to bed...." and my first loves (in secret code) - "Dear Diary, I love E.H." My first death, (of my hamster Henly) was recorded there - "Poor Henly, he was all alone. I came home from school and found him..." There were adventures - "I am going on a three week canoe trip in the Adirondacks with the Girl Scout Council..." and raging anger..."I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE...." And forgiveness- "I don't hate him...I don't. I love him."
Since that first little red Diary, there has been a dark green one. A larger pastel flowered journal. (Journals were for high schoolers and grown folks) A dark blue journal. And now - this blog. I don't write to my Diary everyday, like I used to. And I forget this blog is here most of the time. It is not as private as that first red Diary with the little brass lock; although I remember how my brother Wendell did find it once and taunted me by reading the words out-loud! Also, now.. there are so many secrets I don't even share outloud with myself. I hide them in the stories that I tell, the characters I bring to life in plays, the dreams that I fight through at night, and in the resolutions that I make with myself each and everyday; so many still - unkept.
And so, My New Year Resolutions for 2012. "Dear Diary - I promise to write - something, anything - everyday. I promise to work on finishing my college degree this year. I promise to exercise more. I promise to eat better....and to eat less. I promise to loose weight........................"
