"To boldly go where you have never gone before!"

     I have been a storyteller and a performer for over two decades now.  I have acted in many plays and have been in one musical.  I have performed and lectured at many Universities and Colleges across the country.  I have done numerous presentations for corporations, and I have performed at hundreds of community events.  I am always scared!  No matter how many prerformances I do, I am always scared before each and every one!  But nothing was as so unnerving as a reading that I did this past Saturday at the Women's Information Center on Allen Street in Syracuse, New York .  I WAS TERRIFIED!!!!!
     It was a wonderful event and I was honored to be asked to be a participant along with such talented writers as Wendy Gonyea, A. J. Bialo, Lorrie Sprecher and Akosua Y. Woods.  We were invited to read from our short stories, poetry, novels, plays...our written work.  Now, I don't write down the stories that I tell during performance.  They are forever works in progress.  They evolve and change with each telling.   Some voices more prominent this time in the telling, and then others more prominent in the next.  I love telling stories in the ancient oral tradition of the Griots that have told the life of the African Continent for centuries.  I think that it is my calling to tell stories.  I think that it is something that I am good at and could never think of living without this art of the spoken word.
     Now, I am also a writer.  I have written and produced several plays for children, and have in the past managed and directed plays for a children's theater group for five years.  My first adult play, "Doors" will be produced next fall in Syracuse and I am working on a new play for adult consumption.  I write and direct Murder Mystery Parties.  My favorite genre is short stories and I have a novel in the works.  (Tired my hand at poetry, but it's not my forte!)  I even have The Book Woman Club blog.  I have all this work on paper and thumb-drives...but I have never done a "reading".  The words of these works have either been performed by others, or have sat for years patiently and quietly on the pages of my notebooks, without hope, without thought, that they would ever be be spoken out-loud.  I've always dreamed of publishing some of these words, but I never ever thought about reading them out-loud to anyone besides the members of the writing group that I belong to, the G - Riot Writing Group.
     But, Saturday, I dusted off paper, wrapped my tongue around words and stood in front of a bunch of people, (most of them strangers), and read!  I felt inadequate, and self-conscious, and untalented, and awkward!  "What am I doing up here?" I kept thinking.  I felt naked.   You see, when I tell stories...that is another persona.  The storyteller "Vanessa".  She is creative, confident, knowledgeable, talented and well rehearsed.  She brings with her all of the tools of storytelling.  Voice, Space, Movement, Gestures, Facial Expressions, and Eye Contact!  (Actually, there are a bunch of  "Vanessa" s.  They all handle specific adventures in life.  We won't go into all of the "Vanessa"s here.  It would be a life-long story.)  The point is...that before Saturday there was no "reading" "Vanessa".  Now, I love new adventures.  I seek actively seek them out.  I am not a coward in my approach to life.  Which is why I said "yes" when I was asked to read.  But...like most of my adventures in life, I didn't think this one out.  I could tell you some stories!  (Not right now!)  I found myself breaking all of the rules of public presentation.  I rocked back and forth.  I hardly every took my face of the paper that I was reading from to make eye contact with the audience.  I kept crossing and uncrossing my feet.  I'm sure I mumbled.  (I don't think I picked my nose or scratched my butt!)  I read too fast.  I read too slow.  I wanted to drop through the floor in embarrassment! 
     I am so glad that amnesia is an option!  I'm already beginning to forget the details of my behavior during Saturday's reading.  The whole terrifying experience is conveniently fading into the memory file I call "mistakes".  What was I thinking when I said yes to doing a reading?  Will I ever do a reading again?  I don't know.  I want to say no, no way will I ever stand naked in front of a crowd again without my storytelling persona!  But, then, I do like challenges!  Since I was in 6th grade and did a report on Leonardo De Vince, I have embraced the idea of trying to be a Renaissance Woman!  I have always stove to be accomplished in as many things as possible in this lifetime! To give myself permission to do...everything!  (Star Trek music begins to softly plays in the background.)  To seek out new skills and new adventures!  To boldly go where I have never gone before!  (Music rises.)   Hey?  Isn't life an adventure?  (Black Out)